| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2005|11:40 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None... | ] |
I honestly don't know what's the matter with me. For some reason, I just feel like I'm hanging on to everything by a thread.
Everyone is mad at everyone. Everyone hates everyone. Everything is like 8th grade year full circle, and none of us know what to do about it.
I'm sick of being mad at all these stupid arses who just can't seem to hold it together. I hate myself for being mad at them, and I hate them for making me hate myself for being mad at them.
I hate that I can't read people anymore as well as I could.
And I just hate me.
Everything's just gone to hell in a hand basket, and I wish I could go along with it.
I don't want to talk to you about this, Jakotsu, because you'll probably have the same reaction that Tsuki does to Joey when he gets like this.
Basically, all in all, I'm sick of human beings, including myself. And the only person I can honestly stand right now, is you.
I want to go clear my head so that I won't abandon Sarah and Tsuki the way that Joey does. Because I'm sick to death of feeling like this, and I'm so immensely close to just going to the park and punching the shit out of a tree so that I'll feel slightly better.
I know that in spite everyone else around me being horrible, I suck more than the rest of them combined. And I don't deserve anything I have. I don't know how to fix it.
I'm sorry I'm an ass...
Love you
-The Nymph- |
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| I've never had the propencity to work, breed, and die... |
[May. 3rd, 2005|02:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  um...yes? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tail of the Sun ~ Stroke 9 | ] |
My poor puppy. My poor, poor, poor puppy.
Yesterday, I got home from school, and the poor pooch had ripped off one of his nails...well, not completely off, but almost. So I took him to the vet, and they took the whole nail off. It'll take a big to grow back, might grow back crooked, and I can't walk him for a week or so. He's got an adorable little puppy cast, too. Tis very very cute. But I feel bad for my pup pup. |shrug.|
Uhm...was out of school today because of cramps...almost had a missing kitty for a while...and...erm...yeah? Not much else. I missed four fucking tests today, I'm so f'ing happy...so I have to make all of those up...erm...yeah.
I think that's it.
|bows.| |
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| she gets so sick of crying... |
[Apr. 6th, 2005|08:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Extraordinary Girl : Green Day | ] |
i don't know why i'm suddenly so tired...=/ blah...
it's probably because i haven't been out since hailey's semi, a month or so ago?
sarah's been putting us out sparingly, lately. apparently, she's started this thing that's like, 'i don't want to rely on my alternates' and she wants to get rid of us, or something. something about how it's going to be when we're older and have kids and all this shit.
which is really pissing us off. -_-;
i don't like being told i shouldn't exist.
especially when tsuki's fucking agreeing with her. =/
i don't know.
and something else that's bothering me...more and more of the pain is starting to feel bad...><; i mean, yeah, most of it feels good...but today, when i was messing around with jakotsu, it actually hurt, about four or five times, in a bad way...-_-; i don't know what's going on...
blah. i'm tired. i think i might go pass out...
kiss kiss ^_~
-the nymph- |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 25th, 2005|11:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crowded | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none... | ] |
 | You scored as Musical/Rhythmic. You are sensitive to sounds in your environment, enjoy music and prefer listening to music when you study or read. You learn best through melody and music. People like you include singers, conductors, composers, and others who appreciate the various elements of music.
Musical/Rhythmic | | 86% | Verbal/Linguistic | | 82% | Interpersonal | | 43% | Intrapersonal | | 29% | Visual/Spatial | | 14% | Bodily/Kinesthetic | | 7% | Logical/Mathematical | | 7% | </td>
The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences
created with QuizFarm.com |
 | You scored as Indie. Indie.
Indie | | 54% | Classic Rock. | | 50% | Indie Rock | | 42% | Emo & More | | 38% | Britpop | | 38% | Punk and Pop Punk. | | 33% | Ska | | 29% | Hardcore | | 25% | Mainstream | | 25% | Industrial | | 21% | Country | | 4% | Hip Hop and Rap | | 0% | </td>
Music Recommendation
created with QuizFarm.com |
Was anybody really surprised? |
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| Timothy, we found your space-ship, Timothy, it's the farthest you've ever flown.. |
[Dec. 27th, 2004|11:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Being an ass! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jet : Timothy | ] |
Blah. Ugh. Uhn. Bleh. Bleck. Grrr. Grah. All that jazz. -_-; Yay for never updating with anything positive? I'm just a depressing person. |shrug.| Do I really care right now? No.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm just dead. Don't really feel like updating anymore. I think I'm going to go cut/let Sarah cut/let Addam cut/let one of us punch a wall. |shrug.| I'm just a bad person, ne?
Kiss Kiss,
~The Nymph~ |
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| blah... |
[Dec. 18th, 2004|11:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None...e.e; | ] |
meh..blah..uhn..and all that jazz...-_-;
today was great. really. just f'ing great. i start the day off by having a fight with jakotsu about how he's going to die from an eating disorder...then, i move on to the much more enjoyable activity of getting aggravated by my sister, and then, because my day just wouldn't be complete without more reasons to piss me off royally, i complete this horrid cycle of aggravating things by fighting with my boyfriend's best friend and realizing that she does, in fact, despise me. w007. -_-;
fought with ali today...it was fun. see, ali's been ditching hailey for her theatre friends, and in turn, making hail feel like shit. she's been telling me about it. and every time that hailey brings it up, ali always says, 'don't want to talk about it right now,' or something like that...and when they're on the verge of actually fixing things, ali turns it around on hailey, and makes it seem like hailey's not the one getting hurt at all, only ali is, and then hailey feels like shit. it's great. not to mention ali fucking hates me. yeah. so i imd her and asked her if she didn't like me. and she said, 'no. i don't.' and because i'm in a bad mood and all this fun junk, i basically start shit with her and make things worse between her and hail...well, not worse, just more difficult, because now ali hates me, and called hail and probably said shit about me to her, which hail probably didn't defend, because she doesn't care? i don't know. -_-;
my family just sucks, too. like, the whole lot of them. ryan and judy are assholes, dad and cheryl are preachy, and deb's a bitch. |twirls finger.| yay for fun family? e.e;
i have to do a project with jessie tomorrow...she's gonna get mad at me because i left the poster board in school. |shrug.| yaaaaaaaaaaay...
blah...i'm done. i'm 'a moron who puts her nose where it doesn't belong.' thanks ali.
-_-;
jaa,
kiss kiss,
ayden ^_~ |
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| BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORED... |
[Dec. 4th, 2004|02:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Green Day... | ] |
|sigh.| Bored. We should've just went to the freakin' party, but Tsuk wanted to spend time with Joey...who signed off to call Ali at like, 11:30, and hasn't come back since then. Their little brother's online though...
Ali probably stole 'em, and they're probably off doing X-Mas shopping. She did mention wanting to do something with them this weekend. Tsuk told him to ditch us for Ali, so I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Still kinda sucks, though. And the least he could've done was call us, or sign on or something. Tell us, so we wouldn't sit around waiting for him. Which is what I'm doing, right now. Not because Tsuk told me to, but because I have nothing better to do, no money, and I'm in dire need of release from boredom.
Tsuk kind of wants to go away still, but she doesn't really think Joey wants her to. |shrug.| I told her to go away if she needed to, when Sarah got back. I don't know what's going on right now though...at any rate, if Joey just totally ditches us today, I'll f'ing kill him. I know Tsuk told him to, but the least he could've done was told us. Y'know?
Eh, I guess Deb's quitting Masco. She hates it there because of this bitch of a woman who's making it a big deal when she calls out when she sounds like a toad. She's going to Harbor-Side which's right by the school, so she's gonna get an application for us too, see if they need anyone in the kitchen. |shrug.| So possible job?
It just occured to me how long it's been since I updated...lol. Yay for long breaks form LJ? I dunno, don't really care. If you people actually care about the sad and sorry life of an alternate personality that lives inside someone's head, then you've got a fucked up boring, boring existance. Lol XP. Why do you guys read this, anyway? I mean, the rare few that do. Do you actually care about this little soap opera we've got going on? Or do you read it just becasue it's there, and you can? I mean, that's why I read half the shit I read.
|shrug.| Just wondering...anyw007, home alone soon-ish. Tom and Judy and Cheryl are getting home around 5-ish, Judy has to work then, so they're leaving the party early. I think I'm gonna go find someone to come over and keep me company...I'm bored out of my mind, and Pup's obviously not following through on his plans. Maybe I'll just watch a movie or something....|shrug.| Call, if you want. If you can't get through, then I'm online. And if you can't see me online, then I've got everyone blocked and I'm on PurpleSuki14 with my eye closed.
Well, there you have it. Your fix of my insanity for the time being.
Bon apetit.
Ayden |
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| Life is short but this time it was bigger...than the strength he had to get up off his knees... |
[Oct. 13th, 2004|12:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Whiskey Lullaby : Brad Paisely | ] |
So yeah....woke up this morning, and decided I didn't want to school. My migrane was still kind of there, so I used that. Just woke up a little while ago. I'm going to do my homework from last night soonish...I'll eat some breakfast and do homework....drink hot cocoa...just relax.
Don't know if people are going to show up here after school. They kind of can't. Cheryl's going to a doctor's appointment, and I'm not there to follow home, so they really have no reason to, ne? Yeah...Hail might show up anyway, but I doubt it. She never comes over without an invitation anymore. I dunno...if they show up, whatever. They can come over whenever they want. I'll be home all day.
|sigh.| Tsuk's gone. Guess all that stuff that went on last week finally got her, and since she knew Sarah and I and Fi were back for good, it wouldn't be a problem if she just up and left. I was sitting on my bed, talking to Jakotsu, and all of the sudden, Sarah and Fiona go, "Ayden? Can you sense Tsuki?" None of us could sense her. Assumably she went to her cave. Poor thing. Ran to her cave, which is entirely coated in flames. She really is a masochist, if that's what her cave looks like. She said it was coated in flames, and that there was this one little section covered in ice, where she sat with her penguin, which is her power animal. Considering whether or not we should go find her. |shrug.| I mean, maybe we should just leave her there. She's kind of upset about a lot of things...she doesn't like to be, but she's extremely clingy...and well, her boyfriend's never out. She is, but he isn't. I dunno.
I was really annoyed with myself yesterday...because I've never done it before...but I got really jealous, and just couldn't be around Ben and Kerri-Anne and Jakotsu. Jakotsu was flirting with Ben incessantly, and it was REALLY bothering me. I hate being the possesive kind. It always pisses me off, because I know that people don't like it. So I just went for a walk and tried to avoid them for the rest of the night, but it didn't really work. -_-; I'm turning into a clingy boyfriend. Yay.
Sarah and Hail's one month is in 2 days...me and Jakotsu's three month is in 5, and Tsuk and Pup's one month is in 11. Now the problem at hand. Presents. Of course, generally it's the 'male's' job to buy the gift, so technically, Tsuk doesn't have to buy Joey one, but she probably will anyway...if she's back by then. The only problem is that we also have to use the money that we're taking out of the bank for Christmas presents, because we can't get money any other way...and we have spread 30 dollars among a large group of people. e.e; We'll figure something out. |shrug.|
And now, because I am going through one of the biggest stages of nostalgia ever, I'm going upstairs to eat breakfast, drink hot cocoa, and watch a Cranberries concert that Judy found live on TV. ^^; Yay for staying home from school and sleeping! w007 w007!
Kiss Kiss,
Ayden ^_~ |
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| IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII wanna punch something... |
[Aug. 26th, 2004|01:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None...too damned late...>>; | ] |
|sings.| IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII wanna punch something. Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally badly. And nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo one's here to stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooop meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. ^^; |sigh.| I could have so much fun with a cement wall right now. It's like, 1 a.m., Jake's upstairs sleeping on my couch, Cheryl's asleep in her room with Jesse, Judy's asleep in her room, Ryan's in his, and Deb and Tom are asleep in their room, and Hailey's at home, away. I honestly don't know what's stopping me...
Oh right. Jakotsu told me not to. Ha. Ha. That actually worked. |screams in anger.| Yeah. That fucking worked, this FUCKING time. Especially since the majority of the reason I want to go punch the fucking wall is because of him. Stupid prick. He's like, "Yeah. Pup wants to avoid them for the next to weeks. I agree with him, but don't know if I can do it." |growls.| I'm of the belief that if you think it, if you agree with it, you can do it. And want to do it. So Jakotsu, in actuality, would still like to abandon us completely. And because Jenn's up from Florida, they think we won't fucking notice. |punches computer desk.|
I'm sorry if Sarah made this clear in her livejournal, but I'm feeling like ranting, so if you read it in hers, read it in mine again, or skip over the damned paragraph.
It is common knowledge that although we love Jenn, and we love spending time with her, it is Judy that she is closer with. Although at first we got excited because we were like, "Oh! Oh oh oh! Jenn'll be up! She'll want to spend lots of time with all of us!" We were already proven wrong tonight. We came home, Cheryl was sitting in the living room. The two had already seen Jenn, and Judy was still with her. Case in point. |nods.| Tomorrow, Jenn will come and pick up the kids, and take Judy with her, to do something or other. We will be left home alone all day, yet again.
But of course, we won't notice if Jakotsu, Joey and Hailey completely avoid us for two fucking weeks. Nope. Won't notice a god damned thing. GRAH! Okay. I think I'm done. I think I'm going to go read some episode summaries of something or other, because we need to catch up on a ton of series, and try and keep myself from going and punching the wall, because Jakotsu told me not to....|growls.|
Right. I'm off..
Jaa
Ayden |
|
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| And twisted thoughts that spin 'round my head... |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|10:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Random mixed tape of Judy's... | ] |
Grah...annoying. I don't know why I hate the universe at the moment. I just want to like...kill something? No. Hurt something. Yes. Not even to the maiming point. I just want to lash out in anger at something. No, correction. Someone. I specifically want to harm a human being in some way, shape or form. And it would be even better if it was someone that I knew, and someone that taunted me first.
Another day, another random bout of crying. Today, at Hail's, while we were watching Fushigi Yugi, I randomly started crying. Don't know why. The scene was funny. It was comical. I was laughing. And then I started crying. And no one noticed. I was in the room with them, crying, for about twenty minuets. And no one noticed. |shrug.| I guess they were just too tuned into the show. I mean, you do have to read the subtitles. I didn't even notice I was crying until the subtitles got blurry.
I don't really know how to explain it. I'll be sitting there, with one person, by myself, or in a large group of people, and then randomly...just...randomly...I'll get this feeling like I can't breathe. And this like, swoopy of...sad(?) or something just comes up and rises up to my face, and suddenly I'm just like ready to go crawl into a corner and cry. And then tears actually start to come to my eyes, and then I start crying. And the whole time, my chest feels like someone's just...sitting on it. And if I could, I'd scream. But when it's happened, I've been at like, someone else's house, or I've been in bed and it's one a.m.
Grah. Hail just came down stairs, and kind of stood there for like, ten minuets. And because I'm in such a bad mood, I kind of just ignored her for that ten minuets and was like, "Oh. Yeah. Go draw with Cheryl." She was like, "You okay?" And I was like, "Nope. Don't really know what's wrong either." And then kind of just...ignored her. Blah. Whatever the fuck is wrong with us, Tsuki better damn well fix it soon, or she better fucking tell us soon. I'm on my last nerve.
Well, I'm off...to do...something? If you feel like it, check out the Bank/Jak fic we posted on fanfiction.net It's kawaii.
Kiss Kiss
Ayden ^_~ |
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| Balimabear XP |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|02:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None....blah.... | ] |
So uh...yeah. Last night. Hanging out with Hail/Jakotsu...Sarah can't tell which one it is anymore, so thusly, my radar's died as well. I mean, sure, I can make my guess still, and it'll probably be right, but then there's always that chance of me being wrong. God damn it! We used to be able to tell! Like, they didn't have to talk, or anything. It was just the fucking vibes they gave off! And now Sarah's like, "I can't tell. What the fuck?" And I'll be like, "It's Jakotsu. His voice is high pitched." And she'll be like, "No, it's really not that high...and the look isn't really there." And I'll be like, "Eh, I guess you're right.."
You figure we should be able to pick up on it, what with me dating him, for fuck's sake. At least I should be able to know. I guess I still can, but I have to like, focus on it, or something. It's hard to explain. Like, before, we would look up, and see them, and be like, "Oh. Jakotsu." Or, "Oh. Joey." They didn't have to talk. We were like, "It's that one." And we were always right. No matter how hard they tried to hide it. But now, it's like, we look up, and I'm like, "It's Jakotsu." And Sarah's like, "No, it's Hailey." And Fiona's like, "No, Jakotsu's out. Hail probably ran away again, and since Ayden's out Jakotsu's out." And then Tsuki's like, "Well, there are times when Ayden and Hailey are out around each other. I mean, she had to get a crush on him somehow. And they've had conversations." And then it's this little battle over who got it right, and so we have to sit there and like, pay attention to all the 'warning signs' (for lack of better terminology) to tip us off for it. I wanna just know again. I don't want to have to wait for like five minuets before I'm sure the one I'm talking to wouldn't mind it if I kissed them. >.<;
|sigh.| Sarah was out since like, 1 a.m. night. We randomly cried again. We went downstairs, 'pissed off' because of the Judy shite, and just kind of sobbed for about fifteen minuets. And then we sat there and thought until five a.m. (Look in Sarah's livejournal for full details about thought process). So then she threw me out randomly at Pete's. I was like, "Nani?" And I've been out all night. No one noticed the slight change, not even the ones that notice when I'm out, I guess. I don't know if Hailey/Jakotsu knew, because I was pretending to be Sarah, but whatever. It doesn't bother me all that much. I let Sarah back out at about 1:30 and made her talk to me again...she ranted in her livejournal, talked to people online....la la la...threw me out again. So here I am. And here I stay.
I guess I'll be the one watching FY tommorrow with them all, unless I can force her back out. I probably will force her out. There's a plus to me being out, though. I'll get to eat. She didn't eat anything today! >.<; Like, we had a bit of Deb's personal pan pizza, which was like yeigh big, and then we had some cheez-its and fries. And that's it! Grah! She complained about her double chin today after the shower! DO WE HAVE A DOUBLE CHIN?!?!?!?! >.<;
|sigh.| I'm off to do something. Fanfiction.net won't post our story. Maybe I'll try and post it later. It's more BankotsuXJakotsu ficcie. ^^; It's so cute.
Kiss Kiss
Ayden ^_~ |
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| Ah, divine boredom... |
[Aug. 20th, 2004|02:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | I should put some on... | ] |
Yay for being bored all FREAKING day. I'm probably not going to leave this hellhole all day again. -_-; I hate Sarah. I really do. We've been inside this damn house 24 7 for like...ever. It's starting to get to us. She woke up this morning...and just started crying. No reason. Just cried. No idea why. She doesn't know what's wrong. She just started crying. Blah....
Well, I got bored, so I did a survey. Don't y'all LOVE those. (completely and utterly sarcastic) So here it is.
Kiss Kiss,
Ayden ^_~
| ::15 Random Favorites:: | </td>| 1: | Mushrooms | | 2: | Orange Juice (sorry Jakotsu...) | | 3: | Ramen Noodles | | 4: | Green Day | | 5: | Pepsi | | 6: | Mountain Dew | | 7: | Harry Potter | | 8: | Lord of the Rings | | 9: | Star Wars | | 10: | Anime | | 11: | Pickles | | 12: | Norah Jones | | 13: | Chocolate Milk | | 14: | Musicals | | 15: | History Class | | ::14 Favorite Foods:: | </td>| 1: | Orange Juice | | 2: | Portabella mushrooms | | 3: | Mushroom Ramen | | 4: | Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream | | 5: | Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough | | 6: | Bubble Gum Ice Cream | | 7: | Portabella Mushroom Fajitahs from Jumbalaya | | 8: | Stuffed Mushrooms | | 9: | Pepsi | | 10: | Mountain Dew | | 11: | Lasagna | | 12: | Stuffed Shells | | 13: | Macaroni and Cheese | | 14: | Rice | | ::13 Most Watched Shows:: | </td>| 1: | The Simpsons | | 2: | Yu-Gi-Oh (yay for dorkerdom) | | 3: | Yu Yu Hakusho | | 4: | Anything on Fuse | | 5: | Boiling Points | | 6: | Rugrats | | 7: | Rocko's Modern Life | | 8: | Aaah Real Monsters | | 9: | Invader Zim | | 10: | Inu-Yasha | | 11: | Futurama | | 12: | Weiss Krutz (even though it's on DVD ^^;) | | 13: | Fushigu Yugi (even though it's on DVD ^^;) | | ::12 Good Bands in your Opinion:: | </td>| 1: | Green Day | | 2: | Fuel | | 3: | Linkin Park | | 4: | Incubus | | 5: | Jet | | 6: | The Eagles (random, ne?) | | 7: | Fleetwood Mac | | 8: | Evanescence | | 9: | REO Speedwagon | | 10: | R.E.M. | | 11: | The Dresden Dolls | | 12: | Nirvana | | ::11 Memories:: | </td>| 1: | Steele Hill (anything there entailed) | | 2: | Mom's 40th Birthday Party | | 3: | Valentine Christmas Parties (anything there entailed) | | 4: | Anything from Ash Street | | 5: | Anything that's at the beach | | 6: | Being with my cousin Jenn | | 7: | Being with my cousins Jesse and Erin and Kurt and Pat | | 8: | Campfire | | 9: | Being with my friends | | 10: | Sleepovers (anything there entailed) | | 11: | Anything from when I was at least 6 | | ::10 Close Friends:: | </td>| 1: | Hailey | | 2: | Shannon | | 3: | Katy | | 4: | Pete | | 5: | Heather | | 6: | Ashley King | | 7: | Brittany | | 8: | Danna | | 9: | Nora | | 10: | Melanie | | ::09 Things you're looking forward to:: | </td>| 1: | Moving out of my parents house | | 2: | School starting up again | | 3: | Jenn coming up in 5 days | | 4: | Going to college | | 5: | Living with Pete, Shannon, Hailey, and probably Slinky now too... | | 6: | Getting another job | | 7: | Getting out of the house...(grah, it's so freakin' boring in here...) | | 8: | Seeing baby Jesse and Jake | | 9: | Getting my liscence | | ::08 Things you wear daily:: | </td>| 1: | Underwear (includes a bra) | | 2: | eyeliner | | 3: | A tee-shirt | | 4: | Jeans | | 5: | Pyjama pants | | 6: | bandanas | | 7: | my retainers (ooky) | | 8: | earrings, now, since I bought them, I guess... | | ::07 Things That Annoy You:: | </td>| 1: | People in general | | 2: | My retainers. | | 3: | Being unemployed. | | 4: | My siblings. | | 5: | My Mother. | | 6: | Myself. | | 7: | Being crazy? | | ::06 Things You Touch Everyday:: | </td>| 1: | Myself? (not in that way, you perverts!) | | 2: | Um...my keyboard...I type on it, ne? | | 3: | My hair... | | 4: | Um...food? | | 5: | Dishes, to eat the food on? | | 6: | Um...my phone? | | ::05 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over:: | </td>| 1: | Chicago | | 2: | The LOTR movies | | 3: | The SW Movies | | 4: | Kill Bill 1 and 2 | | 5: | The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood | | ::04 Of Your Favorite Childhood Toys:: | </td>| 1: | Leggos | | 2: | Barbies | | 3: | My Little Ponies | | 4: | X-Men Action Figures (one of these things is not like the other...lol XP) | | ::03 People You Have Kissed:: | </td>| 1: | Jakotsu | | 2: | Andrew | | 3: | Shannon (don't ask, I won't tell you) | | ::02 Of Your Favorite Songs:: | </td>| 1: | Anything by Green Day, I guess | | 2: | No Need To Argue - The Cranberries | | ::01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With:: | </td>| 1: | Jakotsu |
Countdown brought to you by BZOINK! |
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| I'll let you go further, if you take the southern route.. |
[Aug. 18th, 2004|12:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | Umm...mood? | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Red Light Special is stuck in my head...thanks Sarah.. | ] |
Aaah! I saw the Bankotsu chibi and thought it was really cute, so I snagged it and put it as my lj icon...yes, I am that much of a dork.
|sigh| That Shannon thing is going to take a while to fix....e.e; I don't know why she did it...look in Sarah's livejournal if you really want to hear the whole gist...although you'll need to be able to decode lots and lots of typos. The girl was shaking so much she couldn't spell her own name right if she tried. |sigh|
Well, I should go off and go to bed...
Kiss Kiss,
Ayden ^_~ |
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| IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII Suck. |
[Aug. 17th, 2004|01:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand yay for shitty people. I suck. Yep. I do. Let's LIST the reasons.
1) I make people hate Sarah. W007 w007. Said people:
-Shannon
-Andrew
-Pete
-Katy
-Heather
-Hailey (at one point, probably)
2) I can't hold back my temper. Case in point: I just snapped at Cheryl when she was only trying to help.
3) All I do is cause Sarah mental damage. Case in point: Me fucking around with Jakotsu. That really fucked Sarah up mentally.
I think I'll stop now. I can keep going, but if I do the list will be a bit longer than anyone will ever want to read.
I was thinking about it, when Sarah read Shannon's livejournal, about how much pain and shite I've caused Sarah. And then I started thinking about how me and Tsuk and Fi came about anyway.
See, when Sarah was somewhere around 5 or 6, she learned what sex was. That's a bit young for a child to learn what sex was, ne? She would crawl into bed with her parents, and they would fuck constantly while she was in the bed with them. So Sarah learned what to do to make a woman moan a certain way, a certain way that you can make a man arch his back funky like, all these wonderful things. And she was also laying in bed with them the night her Dad raped her Mom. Isn't that just a lovely thing for a young girl to hear?
But anywoot, on with my story. See, Sarah knew what sex was. She didn't hate it at this point. Nor did she find it bad. So she and her friend Danielle Keenan used to pretend to be people who would fall in love with each other. They'd play make believe games with Cheryl, most commonly Aaaah Real Monsters, and Sarah would be Krum, and Danielle would be Oblina..and Cheryl would be Ickus. And then Sarah and Danielle would go hide in a closet, or under her bed, or in the bathroom, and Sarah would basically pretend that she was her Dad and Danielle was her Mom, and they would make out and do things that six year olds aren't supposed to do.
Once Danielle started deserting Sarah, Sarah found these feelings really really raelly bad, and evil. So she pushed them back as far away as humanly possible. She hated them. They morphed into me. I didn't have a name yet, because Sarah wasn't ready to deal with me. This was when she was 6. So as she got older and older, and started to repress more and more of these feelings, including ones about hating herself and her mother, I evolved even further, and Tsuki emerged.
Tsuki is what Sarah is without a spine. The only way you can get anger out of Tsuki is if you threaten someone who is similar to family to Sarah, or is family. Tsuki would even kill you to protect Debbie. Tsuki sees no wrong, she forgives everyone, is a pushover, and loves everyone equally, no matter what they did wrong. She does not believe that there is an evil side to the human being, although technically I'm Sarah's evil side.
As we got older, Sarah realized that being a pushover was not working. She couldn't get very far in life with this pushover attitude. So she started becoming more and more outspoken. This morphed into Fiona. Fiona is everything Sarah WANTS to say, but never does. She's what Sarah wants to say when she walks away from you, bites her tongue. She's Sarah's Irish temper. She's Sarah's anger. And she's Sarah's feminimity. I'm her tomboy-ish side, and Tsuki is a-sexual.
If we want to go into that, then Tsuki is a-sexual, I'm gay, and Fiona's lesbian. All of which makes Sarah a prudeish bi-sexual. Nifty, huh?
So in reality, we're all Sarah. We're just Sarah split. We're Sarah sifted. We're the parts of her that she can't handle, that she doesn't like...all...made into role-play characters and given names and descriptions, even though we really don't have anything but what she gave us. Personalities.
Ah, so my point emerges. I am Sarah's self-hatred. I am Sarah's masochism. I am Sarah's sexual frusturation. I am Sarah's pain. I am Sarah's evil. I suck.
Doesn't that all sound so lovely to you all? I admit it! I am a horrible, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE part of someone, who is BETTER than ANYONE ELSE that she knows. She is a WONDERFUL person, and NO ONE SEEMS TO GRASP THAT CONCEPT!
Even the ones who SAY they get it, even the ones who could possibly understand, the ones we think understand...they have their moments of doubt. They abandon her. They stab her in the heart with a butcher knife. They make her cry. And they make me hate them.
That is why I hate humanity. That is why I hate the human race. We all, in the end, just like causing other people pain.
And with that, I think I'm off. Not sure if I should let Sarah back out, but I'm about to pass out anyway, considering we barely slept last night, and we cried so much today that our body is collapsing. I'm seeing black dots again. W007 w007.
Oh, and Shannon...if you even read this...I don't know what the FUCK I did to make you hate me, but...I'm sorry.
Kiss Kiss,
Ayden ^_~ |
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|
| ::at a loss for subject:: |
[Aug. 12th, 2004|01:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Damn Judy and her sleeping... | ] |
So uh....w007 w007 for mass amounts of sleep??? ::shrug::
Me and Jakotsu fixed things, I think. Im pretty sure, anyway...if we didnt then I dont know what the hell we talked about for almost an hour...::shrug:: Im still extremely upset about that, but I figure I should just get over it. I mean, honestly, he backed out on it, right??? Its not like hes still going to do it...::sigh::
So yeah....after I finish talking to Jakotsu, Sarahs like, "Yeah. I want out." I was like, okeydokey...I said goodbye to Jakotsu, and then got blocked. Yaaaaaaaaaaaay.
Now, its really common knowledge that Sarah is weaker than me, and I can overpower her if I want to. So if I thought she was going to do something stupid, and I did, then I couldve just came out and been like, "Hey, knock that off..." But I was like, "Eh. I dont care enough."
So I come back from being blocked, and my hip hurts. Im like, "Whatdyou do?" And shes like, "Eh, don't worry about it, go back to bed." Because thats what we told Shannon we were doing when we left Debate Team. But my hip hurt, so I wanted to know what was the matter, and I look down, and see four slices in my skin. Yay for that. And they're still bleeding. That mightve been what was causing the stinging, ne?
So I cleaned them up and then laid back down, and asked Sarah about it. Apparently she remembered something Hail mentioned a while back about using the razors from pencil sharpeners before she got razors from Jess Mancok. So after Sarah blocked me, she unscrewed her pencil sharpener and took out the razor, and then sliced her hip. But apparently she couldnt see the cut when she first did it, so she did it again, and again, and again, and again. Nothing stung, nothing bled. She was kind of pissed. She waited a few seconds, and then she felt some stinging, and looked down, and her first cut was bleeding. And then they all kept bleeding. So she hid her razor in her jewelery box, wiped the blood off, and then laid down in bed, to go to sleep.
So I decided, "Fuck it." And just kind of drifted off to sleep. I came back and cleaned up and fell asleep somewhere around 7:30. I woke up at 11:30. And I didn't get out of bed until 12:30. So I watched Inu-Yasha, and then waited for Judy to get her ass off the computer.
Yay for lots of sleep. Somehow, even though I slept more than I have in months, I'm still really tired. -_-; I think tomorrow were just going to stay inside all day and sleep....
Oh, Debate today. No one showed. Got hair cut...annoyed Jakotsu, who's reverting to being a hermit...apparently Hails "broken"...um...Deb didnt take us to our interview...refused, actually...so no job for us....um....I dont think there's anything else...
Ah, Tsukis mad at me. Yeah. Shes got reason though. I mean, I did let it happen...=/ and the only way that I know of, or that any one else knows of, to seal the cuts so that they dont bleed anymore, is to seal it with flame. But Tsukis afraid of fire. Like, panic attacky terrified of flames. Which is confusing, since Sarahs got a semi-pyro-maniac thing going. ::shrug::
I think Im done updating for the night...-_-;
Kiss Kiss,
~Adyen~ ^_~ |
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| Watch me unravel, I'll soon be naked...lying on the floor, I've come undone... |
[Aug. 10th, 2004|07:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | <--sarcastic, of course..-_-; | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Undone - Weezer | ] |
FUCK HIM.Just...fuck it. If you're going to fucking dump me, don't put it in your fucking live-journal! You bitch ALL FUCKING night while we're together about you feeling like you're going to loose me, all this shit...and then you BREAK UP WITH ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! But no, you're too much of a FUCKING coward to do it in person, you put it in your FUCKING LIVEJOURNAL so EVERYONE who FUCKING reads the DAMNED THING knows you're DUMPING ME!!!!!!!!!!!! GRAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sarah was like, "Ayden...he might not...I mean, look at the entry again...he didn't say he really was...he said that he didn't want to hurt you that much...." And I re-read the damned entry. And Jakotsu did say that. And then, right after that FUCKING part, he says, "I don't know...maybe I am that much of a stupid bitch...yeah. Yeah I am."
And then he has the balls to say at the end, "Ai shiteru, Ayden." LIKE HELL YOU LOVE ME, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!
You thought you were going to fucking loose me, well, jeus, you FUCKING pre-cog, I wonder why you're going to FUCKING LOOSE ME? Maybe it's because you;'re going to FUCKING THROW ME ASIDE! YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!
Ergh...and I'm not even mad at him. I'm just really....REALLY fucking hurt. Fucking A. I am such a FUCKING WHINY BITCH. Okay. I've been stopping Sarah from doing things to herself, but at the moment, I could give two FUCKING shits.
You know what, that actually doesn't so bad. Especially since I'm a masochist and the pain doesn't really actually bother me that much. Right. I'm off.
Jaa,
Ayden |
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| You have to imagine it with two people. It's swell with two people. |
[Aug. 7th, 2004|11:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chicago Soundtrack ^^; | ] |
Yay for interesting days with old flames. -_-; I don't know why I agreed to hang out with Seth. I know Sarah still likes him, and I don't want to be the one to tell her that he's in love with Brooke and doesn't like her anymore...=/
We got Britt grounded. Whoops. Although twas her own fault, technically. ::shrug:: She was supposed to call, or something. So now she's grounded...and I feel kinda bad...
Eh...now I'm in a really lazy, kind of shitty mood. I've been feeling shitty all day, not really wanting to do anything, but I knew that I had things to do today. So I went to Britt's, and then online Seth asked to hang out...so yeah. That's basically how it happened. Ne...I kind of just want to go lay down in my room and just stare at the ceiling.
I'm kind of mad at myself...don't really know why. I just am. I kind of want to go walk to the park and just hang off of the jungle gym...and just look up at the stars for a while. I don't even know what's wrong. It's just kind of all getting to me too, I guess. Deb likes making me cry, lately...and she's trashed and angry....we're probably gonna end up fighting. She won't throw us out, and if I lie low, then nothing'll happen, but she's probably got something she'll want to say. ::shrug:: Won't mention it to anyone.
I feel kinda bad, though...Jakotsu mentioned in his live-journal that he wanted to spend time alone with me today...and I kind of just like...forgot...and...><; Yeah, go me, I'm the good boyfriend, ne? I forget that my boyfriend, who I haven't really spent time with in a while, wants to spend time alone with me...so instead I go hang out with one of my ex's and a person that Jakotsu and Hail despise. Go me....::twirls finger::
Yeah. I'm done. I'm off.
Kiss Kiss,
Ayden ^_~ |
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| kawaii???? |
[Aug. 7th, 2004|03:41 am] |
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand 3 seconds later Im back...I saw this in Jakotsus livejournal and figured Id try it....
Well, at least Im someones type, ne? |
|
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| Boredom... |
[Jul. 31st, 2004|02:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None, Judy's sleeping... | ] |
Bold everything that is true about you - And don't bold that are, well, not true. lol
001. When I was younger, I made some bad decisions
002. I don't watch much TV these days
003. I love olives
004. I love sleeping
005. I own lots of books
006. I wear glasses or contact lenses
007. I love to play video games
008. I've tried marijuana
009. I've watched porn movies
011. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
012. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
013. I have acne free skin
014. I like and respect Al Sharpton - Not really on either side.
015. I curse frequently
016. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
017. I have a hobby
018. I've been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.
019. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
020. I'm really, really smart (hide it well) ^_^;;
021. I've never broken someone's bones
022. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
023. I hate the rain
024. I'm paranoid at times
025. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free
026. I need money right now
027. I love Sushi
028. I talk really, really fast
029. I have fresh breath in the morning -Scientificly impossible
030. I have semi-long hair
031. I have lost money in Las Vegas
032. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
033. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
034. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
035. I have a twin
036. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyes in the past.
037. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
038. I like the way that I look
039. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
040. I know how to cornrow
041. I am usually pessimistic
042. I have a lot of mood swings
043. I think prostitution should be legalized
044. I think Britney Spears is hot but not as hot as Christina
045. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
046. I have a hidden talent
047. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have
048. I think that I'm popular
051. I enjoy talking on the phone
052. I practically live in sweatpants
053. I love to shop
054. I would rather shop than eat
055. I would classify myself as ghetto - haha I am from the wrong side of the tracks.
056. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
057. I'm obsessed with my LJ
058. I don't hate anyone. I dislike them.
059. I'm a good dancer
060. I don't think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington
061. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
062. I have a cell phone
063. I believe in God
064. I watch MTV on a daily basis
065. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months
066. I love drama
067. I have never been in a REAL relationship before
068. I've rejected someone before
069. I currently have a crush on someone
070. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life
071. I want to have children in the future
072. I have changed a diaper before
073. I've called the cops on a friend before
074. I bite my nails
075. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
076. I'm not allergic to anything
077. I have a lot to learn
078. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
079. I plan on seeing Ice Cube's newest "Friday" movie
080. I am very shy around the opposite sex
081. I'm online 24/7, even as an away message
082. I have at least 5 away messages saved
083. I have tried alcohol or drugs at a party
084. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past
085. I own the "South Park" movie
086. I have avoided assignments at work to be on LJ
087. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
088. I enjoy country music
089. I would die for my best friends.
090. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
091. I watch soap operas whenever I can
092. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist
093. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
094. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all
095. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
096. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy
097. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
098. I have dated a close friend's ex
099. I'm happy as of this moment
100. I regret a past mistake, and intend never to repeat it
Yeah, I suppose these all go for Sarah, too, since she's...y'know...me...and...all...so...uh...yeah. Bored. There ya go.
**updates**
Kiss Kiss |
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